Sometimes I reach into myself
Pull out oblivion
Do you want to know the spectral analysis
of my soul?
The answer is in the emptiness.
Here is no reflection worth saving.
I dash myself against
Every hard surface I can
Trying to beat the black out of me.
Or is there something that needs putting in?
Only what will fill the gap
I haven’t already tried?
It always leaves me emptier.
Limp celery left in the bottom of the drawer
Thrown on the heap
I’m nothing if not a tragedy of proper upbringing
Typical parental disappointment
Disaffected and dysfunctional. Totally neurotic.
How many years of talking about my mother
Will I pay out to soothe this madness?
What a cliché.
Strolling streets, locked up in the prison
Of what has been,
Pretending to embrace life while
I’m left behind.
I show you feelings that aren’t there,
Embellished by my well-read, well-versed brain.
Who says I’m not a good liar?
I’ve been lying to myself for years
And I fall for it every time,
Or at least I act like it.
Behind closed doors and around corners
Illusion collapses and I’m left unsteady
Shaking apart with the truth that
I am nothing but a cardboard cake
Pretty package, almost real
Just don’t cut me open or you’ll know
It’s all an act.
What am I hiding from?
Who wants cake these days - sugar sweet
If I’m a loaf of bread, hell -
Someone out there’ll take a slice.
It takes more to get it right,
But anyone could bake a cake.
I will nourish you.
I will fill your life.
I will lift your soul.
Just please, choose me over cake.